"Remember, though we struggle against things because we are afraid of them, it is often the other way round - we get afraid because we struggle. Are you struggling, resisting? Don't you think our Lord says to you 'Peace, child, peace. Relax. Let go. Underneath are the everlasting arms. let go, I will catch you. Do you trust me so little?"
-C.S. Lewis
I had great ambitions to update you each week on how God is working in my life while I prepare to leave for Berlin, Germany. I even had it written in on all of my to-do lists and in each week of my day planner.
But I have not been able to find the words.
I have not even been able to fully comprehend all that God is doing in my heart right now.
I cannot comprehend His goodness or His love or His grace or his provision.
I cannot understand the height or the depth of His mercy.
I cannot.
Because each moment I begin to process his works, he moves again. And again. And again. Never before have I been so completely blown away by who God is. Each day He seems to whisper another name of His own into my heart. I am being surprised by Him each and every day. I feel as if He is showering me with His grace while chuckling and saying, "This is exactly what you prayed for, isn't it? Didn't I promise to provide for where I am leading you?"
Because I did doubt for a while. I cannot deny that.
Months ago, I was Skyping the missionary I will be working with about my hesitancies concerning this trip. I could not see how I could make it work to go back to Berlin like I had hoped. And honestly? I was afraid.
I brought all of the foreseeable hurdles and roadblocks to her attention. And my fear distorted their appearances making them to look like mountains. My family was not in a great financial situation. They needed me at home to help pack out house. Blah, blah, blah. I could not ask our church family and blood family to financially support my trip when they had already been so gracious in financially helping my family. I needed to work to pay for my school bill. Blah, blah, blah. I couldn't give my whole summer. She asked for one month. I couldn't come in the beginning. She needed me at the end. Blah, blah, blah.
I think I gave every excuse I could think of right then because I couldn't see how God could possibly work it out. My doubt and my fear were so blinding in those weeks. (They even blinded me until about two months ago.)
I remember her looking at me (through the computer screen) saying something like, "Sara. I need you to commit to coming to Berlin this summer and just trust that God will take care of everything. We need you here. He will provide it all. But you need to commit and watch Him work."
For a moment, I was upset and uncomfortable about that request. But I realized it was because she was exactly right. God had placed this on my heart.. I just needed to watch what He would do.
So I did. I committed.
*Enter God.*
Over and over again He has proven Himself faithful. From the moment I made it public knowledge that I would be going back to Berlin for an entire month, He moved. He worked in hearts. He continued to shape my heart in ways I could not comprehend.
Week by week, I am overwhelmed by financial support. You have all been so kind and giving. In an update on that side of the trip, He has provided far more than I had ever hoped or imagined. I am fully funded plus some. Even after knowing that I am fully funded, so many of you are continually giving of your money because you just want to give. And for that I am floored. I cannot even comprehend the love of the Body of Christ that has been poured over me in these last three weeks. I do not know what God has in store for the extra funds, but I will be prayerfully looking for how He will use it.
To those of you who have been so incredibly generous, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
Even more than being floored by your financial support and His financial provision, I overwhelmed by the prayers and encouragement and love of all of you. Everywhere I go, someone asks how everything is going. Each person I talk to about the trip pours encouragement over my head. Prayers are flying already for this trip and for my heart.
Those prayers are not in vain. I can promise you that God is already changing my heart to be more like His own through this trip. He is showing me compassion and generosity. He is showing me grace and mercy. He is showing me His faithfulness and His care. And He is weaving those characteristics of His into situations where I must reflect them for the world to see.
I am being stretched and broken. I am being molded and shaped. I am being challenged and blessed.
And even though it is difficult at times, I am so thankful for it. I am so thankful to serve a God who will not leave me to my own devices. I am so thankful to be a part of a community in Christ who is known by their love.
I am overwhelmed. Blown away. Amazed.
And I am excited. So very excited for all that still lies ahead.
But I have not been able to find the words.
I have not even been able to fully comprehend all that God is doing in my heart right now.
I cannot comprehend His goodness or His love or His grace or his provision.
I cannot understand the height or the depth of His mercy.
I cannot.
Because each moment I begin to process his works, he moves again. And again. And again. Never before have I been so completely blown away by who God is. Each day He seems to whisper another name of His own into my heart. I am being surprised by Him each and every day. I feel as if He is showering me with His grace while chuckling and saying, "This is exactly what you prayed for, isn't it? Didn't I promise to provide for where I am leading you?"
Because I did doubt for a while. I cannot deny that.
Months ago, I was Skyping the missionary I will be working with about my hesitancies concerning this trip. I could not see how I could make it work to go back to Berlin like I had hoped. And honestly? I was afraid.
I brought all of the foreseeable hurdles and roadblocks to her attention. And my fear distorted their appearances making them to look like mountains. My family was not in a great financial situation. They needed me at home to help pack out house. Blah, blah, blah. I could not ask our church family and blood family to financially support my trip when they had already been so gracious in financially helping my family. I needed to work to pay for my school bill. Blah, blah, blah. I couldn't give my whole summer. She asked for one month. I couldn't come in the beginning. She needed me at the end. Blah, blah, blah.
I think I gave every excuse I could think of right then because I couldn't see how God could possibly work it out. My doubt and my fear were so blinding in those weeks. (They even blinded me until about two months ago.)
I remember her looking at me (through the computer screen) saying something like, "Sara. I need you to commit to coming to Berlin this summer and just trust that God will take care of everything. We need you here. He will provide it all. But you need to commit and watch Him work."
For a moment, I was upset and uncomfortable about that request. But I realized it was because she was exactly right. God had placed this on my heart.. I just needed to watch what He would do.
So I did. I committed.
*Enter God.*
Over and over again He has proven Himself faithful. From the moment I made it public knowledge that I would be going back to Berlin for an entire month, He moved. He worked in hearts. He continued to shape my heart in ways I could not comprehend.
Week by week, I am overwhelmed by financial support. You have all been so kind and giving. In an update on that side of the trip, He has provided far more than I had ever hoped or imagined. I am fully funded plus some. Even after knowing that I am fully funded, so many of you are continually giving of your money because you just want to give. And for that I am floored. I cannot even comprehend the love of the Body of Christ that has been poured over me in these last three weeks. I do not know what God has in store for the extra funds, but I will be prayerfully looking for how He will use it.
To those of you who have been so incredibly generous, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
Even more than being floored by your financial support and His financial provision, I overwhelmed by the prayers and encouragement and love of all of you. Everywhere I go, someone asks how everything is going. Each person I talk to about the trip pours encouragement over my head. Prayers are flying already for this trip and for my heart.
Those prayers are not in vain. I can promise you that God is already changing my heart to be more like His own through this trip. He is showing me compassion and generosity. He is showing me grace and mercy. He is showing me His faithfulness and His care. And He is weaving those characteristics of His into situations where I must reflect them for the world to see.
I am being stretched and broken. I am being molded and shaped. I am being challenged and blessed.
And even though it is difficult at times, I am so thankful for it. I am so thankful to serve a God who will not leave me to my own devices. I am so thankful to be a part of a community in Christ who is known by their love.
I am overwhelmed. Blown away. Amazed.
And I am excited. So very excited for all that still lies ahead.