I love words. I love their beauty, their versatility, their power.
I love to contemplate their purpose and to blend their meanings. I love using words to paint vivid verbal pictures. Without words I could not express the massive mess of emotions and fears and joys and wonders I find myself possessing. Words are, in my humble opinion, are one of the greatest and most wonderfully mysterious gifts given to us.
However, as much as I love words, I have found myself hating two specific words. I have found myself being held captive by these two words. These word became my default. They took over my life...and I hated it.
Whenever someone would see me, WITHOUT FAIL, the greeting would go as follows:
"Hey, Sara! How are you?"
"I'm good...tired, but good." OR "I'm good...busy, but good."
What? Tired? Busy? That was all that I could come up with? As I allowed those two words to fool me into thinking that my life had become an endless tired feeling because of my busy schedule, I unknowingly became the most uninteresting person on the face of this planet.
Now, my goal in life is not to be interesting. That's not why I wake up each day. But recently, I have realized that I truly hate the words tired and busy. I hate how they described my life.
I get it. Sometimes we are busy. Sometimes we are tired. If you know me at all, you know full well that I'm busier than the average 21 year old. If you know me at all, you know that I have good reason to be tired. I fully recognize that being tired is a real thing...I fully understand that having a full schedule each day is considered "busy,"
But what I DON'T understand is how I ever thought it was a good reason to be defined as busy and tired. I defined myself that way...I granted others permission to do the same. I justified these complaints by "being authentic" and telling people exactly what was going on with my life...I was still good...just busy...or tired.
One day, I finally got sick of it all. I was sick of being busy. I was sick of being tired. I threw my hands in the air and gave up.
You see, I realized that it was all a matter of perspective. I realized I could choose to be things other than busy and tired even when I only had 10 minutes free in a day and was running on very little sleep. I decided, that I would no longer use the words "busy" or "tired" to define how I was doing. I decided to cut them out of my daily vocabulary because I had grown to hate them so very much. Life is way too short and valuable to only focus on two words.
However, it didn't stop there. You can't cut something out of your life without replacing that very thing. I had to figure out how to fill those holes that were left after removing two things that had grown to be a giant part of my life. So I had to figure out the root of "tired" and "busy" in my life.
The root of those two words is my selfishness. When I focused on myself, it was easy to be tired and busy. It was easy to feel like life should be easy. It was easy to want to complain. It was easy TO complain. It was easy to ask God, "When is this going to be over? When am I finally going to get a break?" When?"
But I found that when I focused on the cross, EVERYTHING changed.
C.S. Lewis wrote, "I know now, Lord, why You utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before Your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?" This concept has changed my life.
Tired became leaning on God for rest.
Busy became praising Him for the experiences and opportunities He is so clearly providing.
Instead of focusing on my physical exhaustion, I learned to prayed for joy and energy to get through the next step. I learned to take one step at a time. I learned to be present in the moment instead of worrying about how many things I needed to cross off my to-do list before I could crawl into bed.
I am learning to prioritize and to make time for the things that need to be done and I am learning to love what must be done. I am learning to earn my sleep.
I cannot do this on my own. I need the refreshment that His Word offers. I need to focus on His strength, for it is sufficient for me. I am learning to focus on the cross.
Instead of focusing on the number of things on my to-do list, I am learning to focus on each task as it comes. Each thing that makes me "busy" is an experience God is gifting me with. I can see how He has orchestrated other years of "busy" responsibilities to shape me and grow me for the task He has given me this year, so why would I ever forget that He is doing the same now? He will take each meeting, each assignment, each commitment, each task and use it to teach me something for whatever He wills for me in the days to come. I have decided to praise Him for each line of my to-do list and each block of my schedule. The people that I interact with through each of those are such a joy and gift to me. They have become some of my greatest friends, my sweetest encouragements, and have convicted me the deepest. The opportunities He has blessed me with are ones that very few people get to experience. Even now, it feels so silly that I would have ever felt burdened by any of these things.
What this journey has really boiled down to for me is this: Will I choose to focus on myself - on my tiredness and business? Or will I choose to focus on the cross?
For when we focus on the cross, we see Christ. When we see Christ, we experience His love. When we experience His love, we know His grace. When we know His grace, we understand that nothing in this life is about us. We become so enraptured by the beauty of this grace, that we cannot help but rely on Him for everything because we know that, without Him, we are nothing. We are but guilty hands and filthy rags...nothing worthwhile. With him, we become a beautiful masterpiece because It is a picture of Him rather than us.
So, in focusing on the cross, I choose to stop being tired. I choose to stop being tired.
I love to contemplate their purpose and to blend their meanings. I love using words to paint vivid verbal pictures. Without words I could not express the massive mess of emotions and fears and joys and wonders I find myself possessing. Words are, in my humble opinion, are one of the greatest and most wonderfully mysterious gifts given to us.
However, as much as I love words, I have found myself hating two specific words. I have found myself being held captive by these two words. These word became my default. They took over my life...and I hated it.
Whenever someone would see me, WITHOUT FAIL, the greeting would go as follows:
"Hey, Sara! How are you?"
"I'm good...tired, but good." OR "I'm good...busy, but good."
What? Tired? Busy? That was all that I could come up with? As I allowed those two words to fool me into thinking that my life had become an endless tired feeling because of my busy schedule, I unknowingly became the most uninteresting person on the face of this planet.
Now, my goal in life is not to be interesting. That's not why I wake up each day. But recently, I have realized that I truly hate the words tired and busy. I hate how they described my life.
I get it. Sometimes we are busy. Sometimes we are tired. If you know me at all, you know full well that I'm busier than the average 21 year old. If you know me at all, you know that I have good reason to be tired. I fully recognize that being tired is a real thing...I fully understand that having a full schedule each day is considered "busy,"
But what I DON'T understand is how I ever thought it was a good reason to be defined as busy and tired. I defined myself that way...I granted others permission to do the same. I justified these complaints by "being authentic" and telling people exactly what was going on with my life...I was still good...just busy...or tired.
One day, I finally got sick of it all. I was sick of being busy. I was sick of being tired. I threw my hands in the air and gave up.
You see, I realized that it was all a matter of perspective. I realized I could choose to be things other than busy and tired even when I only had 10 minutes free in a day and was running on very little sleep. I decided, that I would no longer use the words "busy" or "tired" to define how I was doing. I decided to cut them out of my daily vocabulary because I had grown to hate them so very much. Life is way too short and valuable to only focus on two words.
However, it didn't stop there. You can't cut something out of your life without replacing that very thing. I had to figure out how to fill those holes that were left after removing two things that had grown to be a giant part of my life. So I had to figure out the root of "tired" and "busy" in my life.
The root of those two words is my selfishness. When I focused on myself, it was easy to be tired and busy. It was easy to feel like life should be easy. It was easy to want to complain. It was easy TO complain. It was easy to ask God, "When is this going to be over? When am I finally going to get a break?" When?"
But I found that when I focused on the cross, EVERYTHING changed.
C.S. Lewis wrote, "I know now, Lord, why You utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before Your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?" This concept has changed my life.
Tired became leaning on God for rest.
Busy became praising Him for the experiences and opportunities He is so clearly providing.
Instead of focusing on my physical exhaustion, I learned to prayed for joy and energy to get through the next step. I learned to take one step at a time. I learned to be present in the moment instead of worrying about how many things I needed to cross off my to-do list before I could crawl into bed.
I am learning to prioritize and to make time for the things that need to be done and I am learning to love what must be done. I am learning to earn my sleep.
I cannot do this on my own. I need the refreshment that His Word offers. I need to focus on His strength, for it is sufficient for me. I am learning to focus on the cross.
Instead of focusing on the number of things on my to-do list, I am learning to focus on each task as it comes. Each thing that makes me "busy" is an experience God is gifting me with. I can see how He has orchestrated other years of "busy" responsibilities to shape me and grow me for the task He has given me this year, so why would I ever forget that He is doing the same now? He will take each meeting, each assignment, each commitment, each task and use it to teach me something for whatever He wills for me in the days to come. I have decided to praise Him for each line of my to-do list and each block of my schedule. The people that I interact with through each of those are such a joy and gift to me. They have become some of my greatest friends, my sweetest encouragements, and have convicted me the deepest. The opportunities He has blessed me with are ones that very few people get to experience. Even now, it feels so silly that I would have ever felt burdened by any of these things.
What this journey has really boiled down to for me is this: Will I choose to focus on myself - on my tiredness and business? Or will I choose to focus on the cross?
For when we focus on the cross, we see Christ. When we see Christ, we experience His love. When we experience His love, we know His grace. When we know His grace, we understand that nothing in this life is about us. We become so enraptured by the beauty of this grace, that we cannot help but rely on Him for everything because we know that, without Him, we are nothing. We are but guilty hands and filthy rags...nothing worthwhile. With him, we become a beautiful masterpiece because It is a picture of Him rather than us.
So, in focusing on the cross, I choose to stop being tired. I choose to stop being tired.