I noticed. I saw how you all were wearing the exact same Sperry's with the black Nike socks. I saw how you all took an hour to make sure each stroke of makeup was deemed 'on point'. I could tell that you put forth much effort to make sure every single strand was perfectly curled with your hair wand...the wand that is the exact same width as the one your other friend used. I felt the familiar pain of worrying each morning about whether the face in the mirror would be accepted by those friends waiting for me in home room.
You see, I come from a very similar world to the one you are in right now. My world was focused on pin straight locks, American Eagle jeans, Aeropostale polos, and perfectly coated lashes. But the worries and fears of my heart were, I am fairly certain, the exact same as yours.
I remember the illusion that, the higher you go in popularity, the more free you are to feel like yourself. Once you get there, you no longer need to worry about how others see you. But, sweet girl, it is an illusion... I think your heart knows that even if it doesn't believe it quite yet.
I promise you, though, that someday you won't feel that pressure and concern each morning you wake up. I promise that someday you will do your hair how you feel like doing it. I promise that some day you will be able to walk out of the house without makeup but with confidence. I promise that someday you can and will shop at the Goodwill store because you choose to invest your money on something more worthwhile than clothing labels.
Sweet friend, you are worth far more than the snickers of others if your make-up is not on fleek. You are valued whether you wear boat shoes with the word Sperry or whether you wear boat shoes from Walmart. I promise that you are worth so much. That your mind and your heart and your SOUL are valued and cherished far above your closet and your body and your face.
I promise.
Your dreams and hopes and ambitions do matter. They do not need to be hidden. They do not need to reflect those of the girl in the next desk who looks just like you. They do not pale in comparison to how many hearts show up by your most recent selfie. They are definitive of you.. one day your words will match them. One day your personality will show through your outfit. Someday you will feel more.
But the secret to this confidence of someday? Only YOU can choose when your someday is.
Someday, you will have to choose to have confidence. Someday you will have to choose where your confidence comes from. Someday you will have to understand that your value is found in the gruesome and unsightly sacrifice on the cross. Someday you will have to look for your worth in the grace of the gospel of Jesus that allows you to be seen as blameless before God. Someday, you will have to come to terms with the fact that your true beauty and value and worth is found in the actions of JESUS and not in your presentation.
My someday freed me to live life....and to live life abundantly. My someday allowed me to choose joy without worry of what others thought. My someday freed my personality and my dreams to take wings and fly.
Do you know what I found in my someday? Friends and family who love me no matter what I wear. Friends and family who look completely different than me. I found acceptance in common hearts...not in common looks. And I desire nothing more for you.
He has made you worth it. He has placed value on your life.
I desperately pray that today is your someday.