It has been two months since I exposed my heart to this blog. Two months full of changes, challenges, and growth. Two months of sleepless nights, fervent prayers, and longing for friendships of those miles away. Two months of trying to keep my head above the water as I am drowning in the sea of responsibilities.
And THAT, my friends, is why I have not written for so long.
And THAT, my friends, is why I have not written for so long.
I haven't exposed what I see as failures to anyone..because I get this stupid, prideful, frustrating idea that I HAVE to have it all together. I am afraid that people will see that I might not be able to handle everything, that I am not responsible, or that I am foolish for taking on so many different things. I am afraid for people to see that I am afraid.
But this evening, I stopped to ask myself a question. It is a question that I believe we all should ask ourselves everyday...
Do we really need to appear to have it all together?
Do ANY of us actually have it all together? Because I know for a fact that I certainly do not hold every part of my life in a neatly-organized and color-coordinated day planner that just so happens to magically matches my outfit everyday.
You could say that my life looks more like my laundry bin: wrinkly, jumbled together, and splashes of color that can be seen when you move things around.
I am very hesitant to let everyone see this wrinkly, jumbled together life of mine. I have always felt like I needed to be brave, to be strong. For some reason, I thought I had to be the hero. No matter what the situation is, no matter who is involved...
Finally, I realized I could no longer fool myself. People were starting to see right through my strained smile, and friends who I could not lie to began asking questions. I had to face the truth that I am suffocating in my weaknesses and fears.
As I have been pondering these hidden thoughts of my weary heart today, my sovereign God has been gently reminding me of His precious promise. For He says to me,
But this evening, I stopped to ask myself a question. It is a question that I believe we all should ask ourselves everyday...
Do we really need to appear to have it all together?
Do ANY of us actually have it all together? Because I know for a fact that I certainly do not hold every part of my life in a neatly-organized and color-coordinated day planner that just so happens to magically matches my outfit everyday.
You could say that my life looks more like my laundry bin: wrinkly, jumbled together, and splashes of color that can be seen when you move things around.
I am very hesitant to let everyone see this wrinkly, jumbled together life of mine. I have always felt like I needed to be brave, to be strong. For some reason, I thought I had to be the hero. No matter what the situation is, no matter who is involved...
Finally, I realized I could no longer fool myself. People were starting to see right through my strained smile, and friends who I could not lie to began asking questions. I had to face the truth that I am suffocating in my weaknesses and fears.
As I have been pondering these hidden thoughts of my weary heart today, my sovereign God has been gently reminding me of His precious promise. For He says to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
These whispered words have carried me through these past four years. It was this very promise that gave me peace through my epilepsy, hope during family struggles, and strength for each day of my life.
The promise of my weaknesses becoming a gateway to show the perfect power of an Almighty God through every season of my life is exactly why I do not think we have to have it all together.
The more I think about my weaknesses, weariness, and fears..the more I see the opportunity for God to show His amazing power through this broken vessel I call my life. He takes JOY in shining through my imperfections..and He takes JOY in shining through YOUR imperfections.
Rest in that thought, dear friend.
2 Corinthians 12:9 does not stop at that promise, though. Paul continues to write,
The promise of my weaknesses becoming a gateway to show the perfect power of an Almighty God through every season of my life is exactly why I do not think we have to have it all together.
The more I think about my weaknesses, weariness, and fears..the more I see the opportunity for God to show His amazing power through this broken vessel I call my life. He takes JOY in shining through my imperfections..and He takes JOY in shining through YOUR imperfections.
Rest in that thought, dear friend.
2 Corinthians 12:9 does not stop at that promise, though. Paul continues to write,
"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
Paul boasted in his weaknesses. Paul rejoiced in those weaknesses. Paul praised God for those weaknesses. Why? Because I believe that Paul's sole focus was on giving God all the honor and praise that He deserves.
Paul knew that when God worked through His weaknesses, others could not say that it was Paul. Because God worked though Paul's weaknesses, others were pointed to the power of Christ. The glory, honor and praise were directly pointed toward God.
By recognizing that God is able to shine so bright through failures, imperfections, and weaknesses, Paul was content with those failures, imperfections, and weaknesses.
Paul knew that when God worked through His weaknesses, others could not say that it was Paul. Because God worked though Paul's weaknesses, others were pointed to the power of Christ. The glory, honor and praise were directly pointed toward God.
By recognizing that God is able to shine so bright through failures, imperfections, and weaknesses, Paul was content with those failures, imperfections, and weaknesses.
"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I have been challenged to live this weak in this promise.
I challenge you, dear friend, to do the very same thing. Put down the glue that you are frantically using to try to hold it all together. Breathe in these promises. Rest in HIM. Allow God to hold you together.. because He is powerful enough.
For when I am weak, then am I strong.
Therefore, I will boast.
Will you?
I challenge you, dear friend, to do the very same thing. Put down the glue that you are frantically using to try to hold it all together. Breathe in these promises. Rest in HIM. Allow God to hold you together.. because He is powerful enough.
For when I am weak, then am I strong.
Therefore, I will boast.
Will you?