Yesterday, I found myself caught up in a conversation centered around the fact that godly men look for godly women, and godly women look for godly men. (I may have just botched the wording...but it's the basic concept that counts..right?)
It seems like a pretty simple thing, but then a question was raised: If this is true, then why do godly women get into relationships with ungodly men?
I was a little stumped for a second. The injustice of it all was not lost on me, though.
This question has been swimming through my mind for the past 24 hours and, while I may not have a perfect answer, I now have a new sorrow for and burden for my brothers in Christ who so often find themselves frustrated. I hurt for my actual brothers who most likely wonder this same question, and I hurt for the many great men I hold friendships with who see this happen all the time.
So, here is my reply to you, dear brothers and friends:
It seems like a pretty simple thing, but then a question was raised: If this is true, then why do godly women get into relationships with ungodly men?
I was a little stumped for a second. The injustice of it all was not lost on me, though.
This question has been swimming through my mind for the past 24 hours and, while I may not have a perfect answer, I now have a new sorrow for and burden for my brothers in Christ who so often find themselves frustrated. I hurt for my actual brothers who most likely wonder this same question, and I hurt for the many great men I hold friendships with who see this happen all the time.
So, here is my reply to you, dear brothers and friends:
Dear Brothers,
I am sorry.
I am sorry for the unrealistic expectations that we, your sisters in Christ, have placed upon you. Pursuing God, chasing holiness, and fighting temptation is no easy task. You do these things EVERY day...yet we still expect you to be the high-energy, full-of-life, ever-positive hero.
I am sorry that, while we expect you to be all of that, we stand on the sidelines asking "When is God going to bring a godly man to sweep me off my feet?" I am sorry that you are left wondering what you are doing wrong.
I am sorry that you have to hear us ask that very question, then watch us fall for ungodly and immature boys.
You see, we so often forget a crucial thing about you.. We forget that, while we are waiting for God to give us that ever-certain peace of having found "the one whom my soul loves," YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE SAME THING.
If we are interested in you, we tend to ask the question, "Why won't he just see this?" But we forget that you are waiting for God to make your next step clear, also...and we forget that God's direction does not always line up with ours.
We so often settle for the immature boys because we get tired of waiting for you to stop serving so that you will look up and notice us. It's not your fault... It is completely on us in this situation. Keep serving God. Keep looking to Him for your next step.
I'm so very sorry for our impatience.
We so often settle for the immature boys because we, as women, are made in such a way that we WANT to love someone. We want to serve and respect and be an encouragement to a man. We forget that our purpose right now is to love everyone with the love of Christ in our desire to have that specific relationship. We lose focus.
I am so very sorry for our clouded vision.
I am sorry that we write you off when we see something we don't deem "perfect." You are not Jesus, so we should not expect you to be perfect. Nor should we forget that we also have many flaws.
I am sorry that we do not treat you like our brothers in Christ. I am sorry that, as soon as we notice you, we put you on our "Godly-Men-With-Great-Potential-List" as we evaluate your every move, matching it to our "Perfect-Husband-Qualification-List." You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and friendship. You deserve our friendship above all else, for iron-sharpens-iron. God has used some of you to sanctify me in some of the most necessary ways... You deserve the same from us.
Finally (for now), I'm sorry that we do not see your godliness. I'm sorry that we do not always recognize your authenticity. I'm sorry that we do not acknowledge your potential...the potential you have allowed God to pull out of you already AND the potential that is still in you. I'm sorry that we are not cheering for you as you trudge through difficult seasons. I'm sorry that we do not jump right in and serve alongside you being of the same mind and the same purpose. I'm so very sorry.
And I want to thank you.
Thank you for diligently pursuing God. Thank you for chasing holiness and wisdom. Thank you for fighting temptation and sin with the whole armor of God. Thank you for being that example to us.
Thank you for not allowing our stupid questions and wonderings to stop you from trusting the value and worth God places on you. Thank you for living in light of how HE sees you rather than seeking OUR approval.
Thank you for being truly confident in Christ, satisfied in Christ's love for you, and so sustained in Christ that you do not settle for ungodly women...or even for godly women that God has not given you permission to pursue. Thank you for protecting OUR hearts in this way when we are too blind to see what you are doing.
Thank you for speaking truth in love to us when we make unwise choices. Thank you for taking us back to the truth of God's Word when we need it most...even if it means you risk a friendship or potential relationship with us. Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for serving our Lord. Thank you for being so busy sweeping the youth room floors that you forget to look up at us. Thank you for being so exhausted from leading others in worship and preaching that you do not even have the energy to text us. Thank you for your relentless energy in preparing games and being ridiculously silly for the sake of drawing teenage boys hearts to Jesus. Thank you for being examples of what our younger sisters should be praying for. Thank you for focusing on what is eternal and sure. Thank you for investing in the lives of those who will one day invest in the lives of others.
Thank you for not expecting us to be perfect..for not holding grudges against us when we fail.
Thank you for loving us as sisters-in-Christ. Thank you for making us laugh when we just want to cry. Thank you for leading us back to the cross with your authenticity. Thank you for showing us what the hands and feet of Jesus look like. Thank you for waiting for God to show you who to love in what way. Thank you for allowing God to build you up and make you like His Son. Thank you for continuing to ask God to keep molding you into that very image.
Thank you for loving God. For, in loving Him, you love us with His love.
I am sorry for the unrealistic expectations that we, your sisters in Christ, have placed upon you. Pursuing God, chasing holiness, and fighting temptation is no easy task. You do these things EVERY day...yet we still expect you to be the high-energy, full-of-life, ever-positive hero.
I am sorry that, while we expect you to be all of that, we stand on the sidelines asking "When is God going to bring a godly man to sweep me off my feet?" I am sorry that you are left wondering what you are doing wrong.
I am sorry that you have to hear us ask that very question, then watch us fall for ungodly and immature boys.
You see, we so often forget a crucial thing about you.. We forget that, while we are waiting for God to give us that ever-certain peace of having found "the one whom my soul loves," YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE SAME THING.
If we are interested in you, we tend to ask the question, "Why won't he just see this?" But we forget that you are waiting for God to make your next step clear, also...and we forget that God's direction does not always line up with ours.
We so often settle for the immature boys because we get tired of waiting for you to stop serving so that you will look up and notice us. It's not your fault... It is completely on us in this situation. Keep serving God. Keep looking to Him for your next step.
I'm so very sorry for our impatience.
We so often settle for the immature boys because we, as women, are made in such a way that we WANT to love someone. We want to serve and respect and be an encouragement to a man. We forget that our purpose right now is to love everyone with the love of Christ in our desire to have that specific relationship. We lose focus.
I am so very sorry for our clouded vision.
I am sorry that we write you off when we see something we don't deem "perfect." You are not Jesus, so we should not expect you to be perfect. Nor should we forget that we also have many flaws.
I am sorry that we do not treat you like our brothers in Christ. I am sorry that, as soon as we notice you, we put you on our "Godly-Men-With-Great-Potential-List" as we evaluate your every move, matching it to our "Perfect-Husband-Qualification-List." You deserve to be treated with love, respect, and friendship. You deserve our friendship above all else, for iron-sharpens-iron. God has used some of you to sanctify me in some of the most necessary ways... You deserve the same from us.
Finally (for now), I'm sorry that we do not see your godliness. I'm sorry that we do not always recognize your authenticity. I'm sorry that we do not acknowledge your potential...the potential you have allowed God to pull out of you already AND the potential that is still in you. I'm sorry that we are not cheering for you as you trudge through difficult seasons. I'm sorry that we do not jump right in and serve alongside you being of the same mind and the same purpose. I'm so very sorry.
And I want to thank you.
Thank you for diligently pursuing God. Thank you for chasing holiness and wisdom. Thank you for fighting temptation and sin with the whole armor of God. Thank you for being that example to us.
Thank you for not allowing our stupid questions and wonderings to stop you from trusting the value and worth God places on you. Thank you for living in light of how HE sees you rather than seeking OUR approval.
Thank you for being truly confident in Christ, satisfied in Christ's love for you, and so sustained in Christ that you do not settle for ungodly women...or even for godly women that God has not given you permission to pursue. Thank you for protecting OUR hearts in this way when we are too blind to see what you are doing.
Thank you for speaking truth in love to us when we make unwise choices. Thank you for taking us back to the truth of God's Word when we need it most...even if it means you risk a friendship or potential relationship with us. Thank you for your courage.
Thank you for serving our Lord. Thank you for being so busy sweeping the youth room floors that you forget to look up at us. Thank you for being so exhausted from leading others in worship and preaching that you do not even have the energy to text us. Thank you for your relentless energy in preparing games and being ridiculously silly for the sake of drawing teenage boys hearts to Jesus. Thank you for being examples of what our younger sisters should be praying for. Thank you for focusing on what is eternal and sure. Thank you for investing in the lives of those who will one day invest in the lives of others.
Thank you for not expecting us to be perfect..for not holding grudges against us when we fail.
Thank you for loving us as sisters-in-Christ. Thank you for making us laugh when we just want to cry. Thank you for leading us back to the cross with your authenticity. Thank you for showing us what the hands and feet of Jesus look like. Thank you for waiting for God to show you who to love in what way. Thank you for allowing God to build you up and make you like His Son. Thank you for continuing to ask God to keep molding you into that very image.
Thank you for loving God. For, in loving Him, you love us with His love.